Wednesday, January 31, 2007

Marketing Mania

Living the dream is one thing, getting others to buy into your product or service is another particularly if you've been brave enough to give up your security blanket, the corner office and are broke. Don't let that put you off. Freedom and security sit at opposite ends of the stratosphere and to pull off the dream you need all the freedom you can get your hands on. Giving up the security is imperative. Without long term objectives and the time available to work towards them you'll get nowhere. He who dares wins I'm afraid. The key I'm told is believing in yourself. How exactly you do that. Well that's why the Girls have a job.

In the conventional world money is power but thinking you are rendered useless without it, I'm assured, is the biggest mistake people make. When you step out of the box you have to get creative when it comes to marketing and their are countless tools available, the biggest being the internet, at your disposal.

Focusing and staying on course is hard but rewards come gradually and learning to be patient is critical. Remember, Strength of numbers is the delight of the timid. The valiant in spirit glory in fighting alone. Gandhi's words roughly translated as keep your mouth shut while living the dream. Allowing people to tell you you're crazy only takes you off course and wastes your energy justifying your behaviour.

Looking good is critical to maintain a positive self image. Unfortunately it's a fact everyone you meet forms an opinion of you within the first five seconds, sorry, we are a judgemental lot but dressing to impress doesn't have to cost the earth as The Girls have proved time and time again.
They got a greenlight at the big meeting, the outfits less than £15.00 each and they've got the receipts to prove it.

Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Getting It Away

It may not be Hollywood but getting in front of the "greenlight executive" isn't straight forward whatever planet you may be on. Things can always go wrong even when you are more prepped than a seven course dinner.

Up with the larks The Girls were leaving nothing to chance, everything that could be done the night before was and four hours to drive the hundred and twenty miles, even in their hundred and twenty year old car left room for an international incident on the way. One thing that hasn't changed, they still deplore lateness, in their minds there's no way round the fact, it makes you look like a loser and I'm inclined to agree.

Like I said however when you step into the Twilight Zone you can end up off course without ever understanding why. Sixty miles off course some might say takes some doing, particularly with two pages of directions, a road atlas and having been there before but hey ho, sometimes these things are sent to try us, test our wits, survival of the fitness etc. Learning to stay focused and keep ones cool in a crisis, an essential skill when living the dream and I challenge anyone to say this pair are not experts at that. You'd have to be to still be standing after the life they've had.

Needless to say everything happens for a reason and although I can't say too much about their fantastic meeting, (everything is top secret in T.V. land until you get it away and that doesn't mean what you think it does) you can find out more at the website.

Sunday, January 28, 2007

More Research.

Long gone are the days of swanky Saturday night dinner parties. Non drinking, non smoking, poor vegetarians don't get invited. Change doesn't always gel with old aquaintances especially when there's nothing to gain except sound, unwanted advice but with the make or break meeting less than forty eight hours away, The Girls wanted nothing more than to curl up on the leopard print sofa and watch the box anyway. That scene just doesn't do it for them anymore and you can trust me on that.

After their daily constitution, a three mile run and a plate of brown rice and vegetables, (some may consider the bodies of Claudia Schiffer and Elizabeth Hurley respectively, a lofty goal for these well over forty gals, but as they prove every day anything is possible if you are prepared to make sacrifices. Model, model and more modelling, literally) a little voyeurism in the form of Celebrity Big Brother, their sinful treat. Did I mention they have also given up chocolate in all it's glorious forms.

I must say, considering this daily dose of caged "B" celebrities is attracting over five million viewers I think the British public have gone completely mad. Either that or there is simply nothing else on, chalk another one up for The Girls in their quest for TV stardom. When they can make an international incident out of Jade Goody put my head under the covers. That said, I am fascinated how the Channel 4 producers have managed to cast their very own version of Aladdin with Shilpa Shetty and Ian (H) from some "I lost my heart to a starship trooper" 80's dance troop, in the lead roles, holding hands and gazing adoringly into one another's eyes, without informing anyone of their undercover plot. Admittedly Shilpa makes a convincing Jasmine but Ian as leading man? What are the clandestine bedtime soirees, planned rendevues in India and "I love yous" all about. I don't understand. Isn't he gay?

Enter stage left Dirk Benedict, aka The Face, Jasmine's father of course in this theatrical debacle. Well he's old enough to be. It doesn't seem to keep him down though. I've never seen a man so happy with a large fish. Who could have known? He's had a good old go at winning Jasmine's heart. Clearly no one's informed him he's the Dad. With the "A" team's theme tune constantly pumped into the house it's not surprising the Face is in a time warp. Bless him.

Now it's a shame Widow Twanky, (Cleo Rocco) got booted out on Friday but I must say if it was a choice between her and The Genie, (you guessed it Jermaine Jackson) who would you pick? He doesn't have a lamp but everyone wants three wishes granted from him, namely to fly of on his magic carpet to Never Never Land. Would Jermaine introduce someone who thought Billie Jean King, the tennis player, the inspiration for his brother's mega hit? I think not.

The cast would not be complete with our two darlings Jo O'Meara and Danielle Lloyd. Who knows, a different cast, different year, different stage and they may have been promoted to the Ugly Sisters but they have kept us entertained in their own unique style as that old favorite, The Pantomine Horse, poor Danielle bringing up the rear. It's not surprising she was devasted when she "lost her head" in Friday's eviction but there are more shocks to come when she find's out she's been publically dumped by Teddy Sheringham and everyone knows it except her.

Oh no he didn't. Oh yes he did.

Saturday, January 27, 2007

Charity Shopping is the new Cheap and Chic

I have to hand it to The Girls for resourceful they most certainly are. Only they could put a lifetime spent supporting couture and paying full retail to good use long after being scratched off Coutts and Co's cocktail party guest list. Looking like you've just stepped off the catwalk in this season's hottest look is no mean feat when your budget is £20.00 but The Girls have proved time and time again where there's a will there's way and are now showing the British public on The Trisha Show, charity shopping is cheap, sexy and for everyone.

Yesterday was no exception with two outfits to put together for the big meeting on Monday. After scanning through a couple of glossies for ideas they set off for Wigston. (tried to find a link, sorry) Long gone are the days spent out snobbing the assistants in Saks Fifth Avenue and Barneys but The Girls have never looked back. Their local high street boasts a Scope, Age Concern, Help The Aged, Mind, Oxfam and Cancer Research and by walking the three miles there and back (at least 10,000 steps, TV puts on 10lbs) they add the £2.60 return bus fare each to the budget, pair of shoes or if they are lucky perhaps a jacket.

It is quite a change for the pair of bossy, ball busters but on actually seeing the fruits of their labours I'm amazed the general public are not camping out waiting for the doors to open, particularly on a Friday. It appears Friday is the best day to go as all the new stock is out in preparation for the weekend.

The find of the day had to be a pure silk Ferre shirt for £1.25 (gasp!!! it's true, photos to follow) but the carriers were so loaded down after just 60 minutes The Girls truly were a pair of bag ladies for the trek home, great for the arms they assured me. To my complete surprise this particular Oxfam shop could have been confused with a Morgan boutique for the day, where the stock had come from I have no idea, (either Mischa Barton's a massive philantropist or some woman needs serious help) but without blinking The Girls picked up the lot, all eight pieces for less than twenty pounds. By my calculations there was at least five hundred pounds worth of brand new kit there. A beautiful Oasis jacket from Scope, £2.99, funky shoes from Help The Aged for £2.00, a couple of tops off the pound rail in Mind, The Girls were high as kites and charity shopping doesn't come with a government health warning even though it is highly addictive. I succumbed. I had to fight off that pair of vultures but I did see them first, Dolce and Gabbana sunglasses with dust bag and case for £3.00, I gave five and told them to keep the change. If it's good enough for Helen Mirran, spokesperson for The British Heart Foundation and recently preported to buying all her clothes from charity shops when she travels, it's good enough for me. Victoria Beckham (did I miss something; Selfridges, a charity shop?) will struggle in Los Angeles, no charity there Posh but with all those Hollywood celebrities happy to help it wont be long before the Girls get one to makeover for real.

Friday, January 26, 2007

Preparing The Pitch

In the olden days a meeting with a TV executive would mean the weekend before spent with a crate of wine and a carrier bag of chronic but not anymore. Although The Girls have always been experts at getting in front of the right people they have finally learned not to squander those not so rare opportunities.

When preparation meets opportunity you get luck in the Ministry Of Common Sense so this week has been spent sussing out the competition already on air, deciding upon costumes for maximum impact, meditation, exercise and loads of sleep. Yeah right I hear you scoff but on my honour, the transformation is remarkable, too dramatic to maintain if it were not the truth. I remember only too well what they used to be like and still have the evidence to prove it.

After checking out the melee of makeover madams British TV has to offer it is not a stretch to suggest The Girls will end up in their much sort after starring roles, bullying obese, drunken, couch sloths into an about turn all in the name of happiness and doing so on no money, a prescription anyone can sign up for providing they have the stomach for it.

Nicky Hamilton-Jones, does a decent job (although the candidates do have a tendency to end up looking like transvestites) taking wrinkly, well past their sell by date ladies and a £50,000 budget then turning back the clock but how hard is that really and it's not going to work for you if your skint. Once your past the point of no return, no amount of brazil nuts and water are going to leave you looking like Elizabeth Hurley, even if you can give up the 40 fags and 8 gin and tonics you need to get you through the day.

The Diet Doctors, Channel Five's answer to Gillian McKeith are a joke. A pair of talking horses with clip boards, light boxes and stethoscopes if you ask me and a fat bloke losing two stone in a year and getting a wet suit to fit him is hardly a dramatic, inspirational, life changing event worthy of prime time placement. Pussy footing around the fact he was morbidly obese and showing him a pigs trachea to explain his sleep apnea clearly didn't really work. OK he lost a bit but he was eating 5000 calories a day. Whatever happened to the truth, not politically correct I grant you but I guarantee the more direct approach of you are going to die if you don't stop stuffing yourself would have produced the desired result of beached whale to scuba instructor marketed in this weeks trailer. It's manufactured rubbish starring two drips in Marks and Spencers (and nothing against Marks and Spencers, they make lovely food) if you ask me and if they can get on TV anyone can.

So The Girls will spend this weekend sipping herb tea, relaxing and eating Porridge and not because it's high in maganese and great for gout, (it's low calorie, fills you up and costs 99 pence for a big box) in preparation to meet their TV hot shot, the man behind The Race. Will he be the one to take them to the top. Only time will tell.

Thursday, January 25, 2007

TV personalities?

Well anything is truly possible. Who'd have thought those champagne guzzling, joint rolling maniacs could reinvent themselves and turn up on the British box life coaching the overweight drunkards they defended to the hilt in Los Angeles. Isn't that the pot calling the kettle?

I must say I was stunned to hear they have actually given up everything, I repeat everything. We, in that I mean The Girls, are still not recognizing shopping as an addiction I see but they have cleverly masqueraded their now one and only TRUE vice by only shopping in what the Brits call their charity shops, justifiable as philanthropy not psychosis. I must say they look good on it considering the image of two mad fashionistas rumaging through someone elses cast offs hardly conjures up visions of Alexander McQueen and Jean Paul Gautier at the Harrods sale. More like Steptoe and son picking up a bargain down Camden Lock.

So what has actually happened to them since we last met. I'm not sure but something has certainly had a hand in rewiring their processing and I don't think it's human. I can attest to the fact they are living on virtually nothing, possibly why the fags, booze, pot and finally food had to go, yes they are both looking remarkably svelte and even more remarkably pictures of health considering they left L.A. like two middle age baggages, one half dead, the lucky one, the other on a stretcher.

It has been a while since their wild and wonderful times at E! Entertainment and I'm sure Jeff Shore knew it was only a matter of time but now they have actually made their dream a reality they are proving their tried and tested formula on anyone else with a dream. Who'd have ever believed these two self obsessed, materialistic, over eating, over drinking, over smoking, cannabis campaigners could actually turn into Californians, OK that's a stretch but Tony Robbins and Deepak Chopra in drag? Like I said anything is truly possible.

The Girls have already been let loose on a handful of unhappy Brits and shown them how to be happy without money. I'd recommend if you have celebrity status of any sort, watch out, because even clean and sober these two celebrity stalkers still come with a government health warning.

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

From New York To the Trisha Goddard Show

A massive thank you to Peter Quinones, our hero in New York for his work on the spectacular Bohemiam Aesthetic. Ok so we are biased but the articles are cultured, thought provoking, well written and honest, a rare quality these days.

Yes, before you say anything, it was a surprise a review on the little pink book was included in the January issue. We put it down to genuine amazement at best, a favorable key word search didn't hinder either.

That said we are extremely grateful more and more people are slowly but surely hearing our version of events in Hollywood and suffice to say the wounds are healing nicely now we have a regular strand on the UK's leading daytime chat show. Maybe we'll persuade the producer's to let us give Harvey a charity shop make over.

If you are in the U.K. watch out for us

The Trisha Goddard Show 9th Feb, Channel 5. 10.30am. and "Love Your Life Living For Less"
and if you would like a Hollywood charity makeover all you have to do is call the show.