Saturday, April 30, 2005

The Ultimate Sting: Bookworm UK.

British Book Deals Up Hollywood Reality Guised As Satirical Spoof.

Many are mesmerized by the allure of movie stars and mega hits but is Los Angeles really like that? Not according to two English best friends, self professed non writers, one a busty blonde, the other a boisterous brunette, the co authors of the internet bestseller, Looking for Harvey Weinstein.

Described by industry insiders as scandalous, saucy, sensational and shocking this latest kiss and tell classified directory exposes countless famous faces and where to find them but the 250 page treasure offers the reader so much side splitting blatant comedy, the tit bits of gossip serve only to punctuate the hilarious prose. More knockers, knickers and narcotics than a playmate’s pajama party, this explorer’s guide takes you across two continents on the world’s longest rollercoaster ride, cruising catastrophe in Cannes, psychics in Venice, nudity in New York and toy boys in Tinsel town all courtesy of American Express. Scamming bargain first class flights and luxury hotel accommodation in the playpen paradise of the rich and richer is certainly not for the faint hearted however he who dares wins when you’re penetrating the impenetrable. The result; a fast paced essential read for Hollywood virgins, wannabes, dreamers and anyone who loves to laugh.

The "A" list celebrity cast is over shadowed by the blundering, badgering, ball busting Brits whose work schedule and business itinerary revolves around boozing, brothels and far too many bong hits but reading between the lines there is a distinct whiff of wisdom in the words. Change the way you look at things and the things you look at, change.

Insightful, inspirational and intelligent, this remarkable landmark first edition is an exotic, complex tale that redefines the word hustler.

Thursday, April 28, 2005

Odds Stacked Against Pam.

Down The Bush and Blair

The appeal of the British pub is generally misunderstood by most Americans. We suppose it's more of an experience than a business formula and as only 10% of the US population hold a passport and half of those are in the armed forces, it's not really surprising the lure is lost in translation.

We see pubs as individual cornerstones of local community and heavily defend all prohibition, banner waving, goody two shoe protestations to the contrary. Houses of ill repute, ladies of loose virtue, bottle and gun swinging layabouts and your token law enforcement officer, i.e. the sheriff hardly describes The Vicarage, Blaby.

When it comes to American comedy, with the exception of "Cheers", the boozer has been replaced by the coffee shop. Friends, Frasier, the list is endless and last nights primetime, network viewing did not deviate from the formula with Pamela Anderson's sitcom "Stacked."
Did anyone know she was a comedienne? Neither did we.
The plot has Pam and her short, fat and extremely busty assistant running a book and wait for it, coffee shop aided by a boy next door type who fancies Pam, now there's a twist and a divorced literary intellect who on last night's episode shagged a writer after a book signing only to be labelled a "groupie" by Pam the following day. That's the comedic level. I'm not sure what the aged astronaut character has to do with anything, forget Jack Nicholson in Terms Of Endearment. We can only assume the NASA gags go down well in Houston and Cape Canaveral and we all know who's the boss in Texas and Florida.

Surfice to say channel surfing and finding "Coupling" on BBC America was a gift. Busty blondes, sure and probably more nudity and off colour language than your average American can stomach, don't mention the Superbowl, but the decidedly clever script had us in stiches. Just on a side note most of the hilarious action did take place in the pub.

One show that has been surprisingly successful here and is still repeated is Benny Hill. We were thinking of pitching Bill O'Reilly a new spin co starring Heidi Cortez and Mini Me. The ratings would go through the roof.

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

Whores of Babylon now?

Down The Bush and Blair

It's opening time and for all of you unfamiliar with British pub etiquette here's a quick glossary to get you up to speed.

The Local: The closest pub within staggering distance (no drinking & driving) of your front

The Regular: A person who frequents the local more than five times per week. Not usually
considered an alcoholic.

The Usual: Drink always ordered by individual regulars.

The Lock In: After hours illegal, knees up down the local, regulars only.

The Round: A drink for everyone.

The Double or The Large One: More alcohol

On Me: You're paying.

On The House: Rare.

What's not so rare here in Hollywood is seeing Brad Pitt on the telly, sad as it is, we stayed in yet again to find out about a not so squeaky clean Brad and Jen now if you believe what you hear. What actually happened on the set of Mr. and Mrs Smith no one seems to know but that didn't stop the media, in search of anything to satiatiate the formidable appetite of the American public, turn the hardworking U.N. spokeswoman, Angelina Jolie into a whore. We love a good gossip but come come now.

What about Mr. Pitt? Has everyone forgotton he had Mrs. Pitt at home probably wishing she could nip down the pub, drown her sorrows and avoid seeing her personal life flash before her eyes on every one of the never ending list of network and cable channels. Why can't people just put themselves in someone elses shoes for a change?

It's my round is something rarely heard in these parts. The trendy bars here serve oxygen and water (smoking is a hanging offense) and the not so trendy bars offer no escape, conversation relegated to a distant third behind blaring sports commentary in surround sound and gigantic flat screens strategically placed to ensure perfect unobstructed viewing from every possible angle. The only utterances you might hear are complaints from the waitress as tipping is compulsory or Neanderthall grunts, groans, hoots and holla depending which side your on.

Not that we're anti sports, we're not but with the exception of darts, dominos, billiards and seduction sport should be played and spectated before setting foot in the pub for libation and shade.

Fortunately for Jennifer Aniston, she could stand a round at The Joiners Arms, Bruntingthorpe where she would be welcomed with open arms and wouldn't be lonely very long.

Ta Ta For Now. See you at The Shires, Peatling Parva and if you would like your pub included drop us a line and tell us why you're special because we know you are.

Where in the world? This is an easy one. Posted by Hello

Tuesday, April 26, 2005

Good Morning America

The Pink Notebook

"Good morning, good morning to you." Gene Kelly.

Right, put a spring in your step, whistle this song and say good morning to every single person you make eye contact with today. Then let us know what happens. Likely your day will be in full swing before you can say Jack Robinson and you'll feel fantastic. If, in the unlikely event, things don't go according to plan, remember comedy is just tragedy plus time and it is the embarrassing moments in life that end up, eventually being the most treasured.

British Comedy Writers New Daily Spin on Hot Topics in US Media.

"Down The Bush and Blair"

If you can't beat them, don't join them. Bring them something new.

The grass is not always greener. Even when you speak the same language as "Aliens in Residence" the USA is not always an easy place to fathom. We imagine looking in from across the Atlantic has most, who are interested what the leader of the "Free" world does next, totally baffled.

Let's take the Michael Jackson trial for example, because quite frankly it's the only thing on the news in the US unless you get the BBC. Even if you forget the fact the world's falling to bits, the British government is up in arms and we've got a German pope, I'm sorry Thriller wasn't that
prolific and we love the album.

When a superstar, sorry Michael Jackson is hanging around with would be Jerry Springer guests, the witness list for the prosecution no less and the jury are finding it increasingly difficult to separate comedy from tragedy, we predict a hung jury. Whatever the outcome how can one man's decidedly strange lifestyle entrance a nation of people? Big Brother in charge and unqualified? One thing is for sure there's something fishy going on, and Michael, our advice, don't push your kids into show business.

The obvious solution to the malaze fragmenting the USA into zones, Red and Blue (black out your windows and keep your gas mask handy) is the pub in our so humble opinion. It's community that's missing because you can't buy it from a shop and rarely can you make any money off it. The church on it's own just doesn't work. Little return on investment for a start off and what do you do the rest of the week? Watch Desperare Housewives?

When you need a home away from home full of friendly and familiar faces for real you can't pop into Spacey Houses, Pannal or The Scotts Arms, Sicklinghall, two old favorites on the Leeds Road.

It is only in the pub, down the local, all men and women share equal footing, discussion with strangers is commonplace and lively debates across all walks and all matters of life are mediated and moderated by your glamorous or sometimes not so glamorous host, the landlady. Of course everyone wants first dips on any sound bite resembling juicy local scoop.

Surely though, scoop, when used correctly allows troubles to be shared, shoulders to be cried on and problems to be solved. We've seen more sorted out on a grass roots level thanks to a wip round down The Cock, Peatling Parva on a packed Friday night than any TBN collection, although the gold chairs are splendid. The pub is a vital ingredient to life and community as we know it, two things seemingly a foot here in the west.

Ta Ta For Now.

See you tomorrow Down The Bush and Blair. Pop in for a pint anytime.

Monday, April 25, 2005

The first Reality book hits the market

Looking for Harvey Weinstein is getting great reviews. The first reality book to hit the market gets massive attention from top Hollywood insiders. Two film companies are looking at the film rights and a UK media and press tour is in the pipeline for May.

Read about your favorite celebrity in this true story of Hollywood business and how it works. Find out about Michael Caine, Jay Z, Tommy Lee, Ridley Scott, Ozzy and Sharon and many many more. Learn how to get yourself a top Hollywood agent, even if you have no experience. Find out the best places to have lunch and bump into your idol. Top tips on how to get your movie made or your pitch heard by the best producers in town. Want to hang out with a rockstar? No problem, the girls did it, so can you.

If you would like a signed copy with a personal message from us, send your Amazon order confirmation by email and we will get it off to you.

Order Now and prepare to laugh your socks off.

Friday, April 22, 2005

Self Published Book Gets Top Marks

Brassy, ballsy and full of energy.

A totem of two women’s struggle to do something worthwhile in life, it certainly knows how to serve up endless comical observations. This is what comedy is supposed to be. The delivery, too, is polished, every line, every joke, enhancing the material, making for a thoroughly enjoyable read.
The women and their breathless brand of glamorous, gossipy, camp, snobby, self-deprecating, fast-paced banter is second to none but it is the truth that sells this story, as this story, is a reality they live every day.
This out of the box, tawdry tale, brags an A list celebrity cast of characters for real but the side splitting comedy is served up at the expense of two unknown likely lasses from the North of England. Two fatal mistakes, namely the jailers, an anonymous pair of devastatingly handsome Latino American brothers, natives of Los Angeles and the two Brits find themselves trapped in Hollywood where the water list is more extensive than the wine list, smoking is a hanging offence and cheese can only be found between the athletes foot infested toes of every all American wannabe. Written in the third person, it gives a voyeuristic peak into the rarely told but more frequently experienced Hollywood; that is, if you’re a nobody.
It makes for an interesting, intriguing read that stretches beyond the page. Breathlessly entertaining yarn, straightforwardly funny, captivatingly offbeat,
full-blown quirky page-turner, leaving the reader in stitches.
Humor is something we could all use more of in our lives, especially the kind of British satire found on every page within the four chapters of this little pink treasure. One liners galore. The idiots, the arrogant Hollywood agents, the ladies of loose virtues, the self centered celebrity and on and on. A candid display of so many of Hollywood’s characters is the magic formula that makes this book, the wittiest, funniest laugh out loud tale of true passion, persistence and probably too much pot smoking I've read in years.
It’s a memoir, a travel guide, a “how to” Hollywood and an unorthodox, read between the lines, attack on ego Freud would be proud of but most of all it’s an enchanting and captivating rollercoaster ride with two people who live each day as if it were their last, in the front seat.
Sometimes the irreverent sarcasm is overstated and sometimes it hits you in the face but you will laugh from the second you pick it up to the moment you put it down. Now will someone please pack a bowl.

Thursday, April 21, 2005

Less Drinking and More Thinking

The Pink Notebook

"What is from the earth is the greatest of worth." Ben Harper. Not difficult to get your head around although may be too simple for some. Ease off on the booze, smoke a joint and read a book, watch a movie or write a poem. Relax. Do something creative with positive motive today. Wine with dinner of course but too much alcohol makes you crazy.

Here comes trouble. Posted by Hello

Self Published Authors' Best Kept Secret

Tis true we have grown weary of Los Angeles. In truth, Harvey Weinstein is on his way back, his new company, The Weinstein Company, will be based here and this town is certainly not big enough for a new freeway as they say.

We're heading home thanks to Richard Branson and his fabulous airline, Virgin Airways, cheaper than British Airways and friendlier staff. If you always look the part and are lucky enough to get upgraded, you might get to sit next to Hugh Laurie and do some celebrity stalking. He was on our last flight home.

We're returning to the UK for a nationwide press and media tour starting at the Axe and Square, Countesthorpe, Leicester. If you're a local drop us a line and say hello. The thought of sitting down with a drink, a fag and you lot hungry for stories of Harvey and Hollywood is amazing.

And as for our best kept secret, we can smell the fish and chips from here.

Wednesday, April 20, 2005

How To Hollywood Hot Tips

At the request of our readers we have graciously consented to pass on some tightly guarded trade secrets via our faithful blog.

We hope you creative folk out their can add some ridiculous tawdry tales of your own and useful tips to avoid the heartless side of Hollywood.

We know disgruntled artists are passionate but no bitter and twisted posts, please. We're take a good dose of comedy with our tragedy.

So here goes and hope it helps.

The Pink Notebook

"I think therefore I am." William Shakespeare. To our mind he was saying, take steps to be who you are and you will become it and he was right. Therefore ALWAYS look the part.

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

"The best holiday read of 2005" Bookworm UK Posted by Hello

Book Signing Event; Sunday 23rd April.

Holly and Shirley open up the Beach Cottage this Sunday and allow, curious and intrigued readers a peak inside. The little pink treasure everyone is talking about features lots of local South Bay haunts but none so amazing as the place they call home in the heart of the writers section amidst such greats as Tennyson and Longfellow.

721 30th Street, Hermosa Beach, CA. Bring your friends, meet the authors and pick up a signed copy of what has been declared, "Destined to become the greatest female, buddy, farcical, satirical romantic comedy this century if by this century one means 2005."

Monday, April 11, 2005

Book Review

Looking for Harvey Weinstein Two British women, likely best friends, in a nation struggling to salvage the Modern day Michelangelo from the ashes of creative genius, grow into spiritual enlightenment, trying desperately to break the shackles, but still pursuing the sprit of life. Holly and Shirley Yanez, two women from Yorkshire England, embark on a journey to Los Angeles and in a moment of temporary insanity, end up marring good looking brothers and life changes in a split second. The marriages end. The money runs out and the women find themselves with only an art collection from days gone by and an American express card, perfect for a small business start up. They open an art gallery in Manhattan beach, California but don’t sell one single piece in almost a year but something amazing does happen, the women found themselves a genius. A Russian Fresco master, one of five in the universe, starving to death in a place called Inglewood, desperate to start a Fresco school and in need of some exposure for his work. The challenge is on, as the women from Yorkshire set out to catch the attention of Movie mogul Harvey Weinstein and other high profile Hollywood royalty, to persuade them to help start The First American Fresco School. Sounds simple but what actually happens is far from simple and they end up enticed, embraced and embedded in the fabulous world of Miramax Films with no money, no plan, no clue but as always, a solid purpose. Getting to a man like Harvey Weinstein is not as easy as one might think, even with good James Bond skills and gold Gucci high heels but with relentless faxes, emails and love letters to their hero, the women finally break in to his world and their fantastic journey begins. Follow their dream and be prepared to laugh out loud, as their internship in Hollywood has them pitching, bitching, bothering and blagging everybody from Disney to MTV but what happens when all hope is dashed, all doors firmly closed and all money spent? Does Hollywood close ranks, mask all their pain and force them out of town or can the women dig down deep and somehow convince Harvey of their good intentions. As the women prepare to leave for England with their self published memoir, it is finally dawned on top executives like Michael Eisner and Robert Iger, this hilarious and fascinating story actually happened and the little pink treasure Looking for Harvey Weinstein shows a clear view of the fall of Miramax from the cheap seats. Whether it has anything to do with the fall of Harvey Weinstein has yet to be seen but the women believe he will rise again like the phoenix. Outsiders have shown interest in the film rights as book sales increase, with Harvey Weinstein at the helm, this story is destined to become the greatest buddy, farcical, satirical comedy this century, if by this century one means 2005.
Holly and Shirley Yanez

Friday, April 01, 2005

Come back Harvey All is forgiven

Come Back Harvey All Is Forgiven
As the media spew ramblings about who’s right and who’s wrong in the spat between the family, entertainment conglomerate Disney and the boisterous independent movie makers, The Weinstein brothers, two much lesser known British, middle aged art philanthropists wonder where the highly publicized divorce leaves them.

The women have published their parallel veracity during a three year quest in Los Angeles to save a Russian fresco master using the clout of Hollywood, namely Harvey Weinstein.

However the hilarious positive diaries have caused so much unnecessary hullabaloo it’s a joke. As the Weinsteins lose Miramax, the company named after their parents, Miriam and Max, the women believe their already distributed and selling Erin Brokovich esque paperback would be a blessing and a gift for a marketing and branding genius. After all it’s not easy to get to a man like Harvey Weinstein.

The Yanez ex sister’s in law, herald from Yorkshire, England a far cry from The Weinstein Brothers early stooping ground, Queens, New York but both partnerships’ unorthodox approach to business led to success on opposite sides of the Atlantic, New York for The Weinsteins and London for the women who continue to regard Harvey Weinstein’s brilliance despite their current predicament.
In Harvey’s newly reclaimed indie reverence, looking and feeling younger and happier than ever, wouldn’t making his first book out the gate’s of the new company, an independent going concern bearing his name in the title, make sense? What better way to hit the public back with Reality Bridget Jones in Hollywood, a funny positive bestseller not really about you and market and brand the next Miramax at the same time.
Who knows where Harvey goes now. I’m sure lots of people will be looking for him. One thing is for sure, he can go back to being the expert bridge builder between creation and execution now his corporate shackles have been loosened.

Will he? Let’s hope so. Then everyone who truly loves The Weinstein’s magic touch in movie making can look forward to the next decade of educating, evolved and enlightening entertainment.